When fear grips my heart.

I was thinking this morning, while washing up, about school as I so often do these days, when suddenly I felt really fearful about what I have done. It occured to me that if I fail to obtain my degree, all I'm left with are my GCSE qualifications. Not even the Singapore GCE O level certificate but UK's GCSE which probably wouldn't even be recognised much. So I started thinking of way outs if I do fail to get my degree, and I realised there is not much I can do. But the fear didn't last very long as I'm resolved to work and that there's always a way out for me, if the worst does occur, if I look hard enough. And it's silly to worry about things that might not happen. They say don't let yesterday's problems use up today. Similarly, don't let tomorrow's worries use up today right? Right! (:

I'm thinking of starting my outside school classes again! But I know I won't be going back to piano. Frankly speaking, playing for the sake of certificates don't appeal to me. I didn't like playing because I had to and I know I still don't want to play because I have to. I really only enjoy playing because I want to. And now that I can play (well, sort of!), I don't see the point in going back for lessons. As for ballet, I'm pretty torn about it. I don't see where I'm heading with all these. So I start again and do AF or A1, and then what next? Teaching certificate has always been something I wanted to do, but can I really do it? Besides, main lessons are on saturday afternoons which is a no no. The only reasons I would go back now is to be able to dance with the rest again and I know Miss Akiko in Doha wants me to try A1. Ah! Dilemma. However, I feel going back to dance would cause me to get myself entangled.

SO! I'm thinking of starting new lessons to learn new things. Lessons that wouldn't be so demanding. There are a few things I have on my to learn list. Violin, flute, harp, saxaphone (my greatest dream ever! it's just so sexy!), driving, golf (improve and doing it properly!), etc. I'm thinking of either violin or driving now. But I'm quite a coward. Put me behind the wheels in a remote area is fine, but putting me behind the wheels on the road and I'll probably die! So it's most likely violin for now.

Speaking of driving, I'm thinking of the times when my dad bravely sat in the car while I was driving, and my parents being brave enough to lend me their cars (especially my dad for letting me drive his benz)! What faith they have in me! If I was driving, I don't think I would want to sit in my own car. I wouldn't lend myself my own car too! I wonder if my dad was afraid during those times, especially the first time I tried to brake. Must ask him one day. (:

It's mummy's day today! Mothers, what great creations! Happy Mothers' Day to all mums!