Afetr putting it off for so long, I've decided to pen my orientation and teejay experience. The 4 days of orientation was simply amazing. It's a very memorable experience and I really love it. I remember the first day where I was a bit scared and very nervous, not knowing anyone except Tim and Xueying, from whom I was split from by the og leaders. Donning the DC uniform, I felt different. I was tired and upset the first day and I hated it. Went home, asked for a transfer of school and was all mentally prepared to go talk to the principals. But came about second day, when I, in my loneliness, realised that I was making things difficult for myself. I thought of my friends in DC and how we all coped with new schools, new friends, new people all the time, I remembered the Life goes on phrase and I wanted to be strong like them. I started participating, cheering with the rest of my og, playing games and I LOVED the second day. Third day was equally fun, and 4th day (O Night!) was just plain brilliant. The games were fun, the company were great. The OGLs were awesome, except they were too good in their duties and took such great care of us we had such difficulties making the card for them, resorting to hiding in toilets, going up to the second level. I feel the power and friendship during O Night, I see the laughter and joy, I see the spirit and I'm now proud to say I'm a TJCian! OG14 rocks!
Second week of school is coming to an end soon. It's so quick isn't it? Got the TJC collarpin. yay! Anyway, lectures have been quite ok. It's only the first week of lecture but I'm already struggling to stay awake. This is very bad. Anyway, CG19/07 is cool! Ernest is plain hilarous. Lenard is pretty quiet, all the girls are pretty quiet too. I'm like the noisest at the moment. I'm temporarily the CG Rep of CG19/07! Haha. I volunteered and we're electing all the reps soon so if someone wants the post, say it! Had a mini CG lunch today, hopefully proper CG lunch tomorrow. Yay! I love school.
the happy, chirpy post ends here. reflection time now...
Reintegrating back into the Singapore school and system has been much harder than I thought it would be. Since school started, I've been feeling very doha and DC-sick. I miss my friends a lot. Most people make some of their best friends in their Sec3 and 4 time, and so did I. Some of the people I met there are just some of my truest friends. Maybe because all of us share similar life experiences. We all know the difficulty in moving to a new place, starting a new school, a new country, meeting new friends, feeling alone. We know how each other feel and whenever one of us are down, the others really know what to say and what to do. On the first day of school when I see everyone else with their friends from secondary school, I just felt like crying. I miss mine so much and I'll probably never get to see them for a looong time. Some of them never again. Some of them moved onto sixth form, others like me, moved to another country. I hope everyone's good no matter where they are. I'm sure they will be, simply because we are tough survivors! At this time of my life, I often wish I had my friends around to confide and talk to. I'm finding that I have no one to turn to now, no one to tell how I feel, no one to cheer me up, no one to tell me things will get better. I really miss my friends a lot, and I want to bawl whenever I think of them. However, I've come to realise that I'm in control of my life and my emotions. I can do things to make myself happy or dwell on things to make myself sad. I'm only glad to say that I'm becoming better in making myself happy. Like my CG for example. I was very upset to be out of Beta and separated from Charlene, Ryan, Lorraine, Ziko, Cheng Ying etc. But during civics, I chose to be outgoing and talk to everyone else, asked for the entire class's contact no, and volunteered to be the temporary CG Rep instead of sitting in a corner, wishing to be with my OG mates. I've gotten stronger. In the cab once to the airport I had this revelation. I was facing the back of the cab, looking out seeing the same scenery getting smaller and further away from me when it struck me that I could lead my life either always constantly looking back, wishing for the past that will only get further away from my reach or I can turn myself around, look ahead and enjoy new things. Putting down my past, I'm starting to look ahead now. I don't expect people to understand what I'm feeling, but please don't think too badly of me. All i need is no condemnation from you. No more wishing that I'm back in DC, no more feeling guilty because I'm occassionally missing Doha or that I enjoyed DC more than I did/do with school in singapore. I can try again or I can walk away. I believe that the sun will shine one day, so I'll just play my part. Ready to face everything, I'm moving on. I only hope that alone, I'm strong enough.
i'm praying for friends...
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