The 19th year of my life.

Birthday yesterday was nice. Nothing too big and fancy which suited me just fine. I like it that way. As the years passed, the significance of birthday just dwindles and it becomes just another day. But I still had a nice and fun day yesterday with friends and family. Maybe minus the studying and cramming I was doing in the wee hours of my birthday and the world civilization paper in the morning (which went horrendous if you wanted to know. First paper in a long time since I literally crapped my way though because I didn't know any facts).

Lunch with Cassie, Mere, Ping, Shawn and Benji at Giraffe was good. Though I was really sleepy, tired and didn't feel like eating. I still managed to get the food down! And the cake with the gummies on top! I am so gullible. I really believed they made it.. but yeah. It was still good. Came home to many birthday wishes on facebook and friendster, mostly from friends in DC (love them so much!). Dinner at home with the family and had another cake even though I told mum I didn't need one. (:

So yeah, I'm entering the 19th year of my life. The last year of being a teenager. Somehow, it really didn't feel like it's my birthday yesterday. If it wasn't for the friends who asked me out for lunch, I probably would have just gone home, make myself comfortable and just let the day subtly pass. Mood yesterday was more reflective than anything else.

“Your birthday is a special time to celebrate the gift of 'you' to the world.”

How much of a "gift" was I to the world in the past 18 years of my life? Or even just in the last year? Was I really a gift to others? Or was I just a burden?

Went for a walk this morning to think about things Has been a long time since I went to the park and sit on the swing and think. I like being in the playground. It's nice and quiet. And swinging on the swing makes me feel better. Moving forwards and backwards, setting your eyes on the clear, vast sky and just being that bit closer to it as you swing high up has something very comforting to it. (:

Well, probably got the closure that I've been looking for. And I got it on my birthday too. It wasn't exactly pleasant, and it hurts. But in view of all the circumstances and situations, it's probably the best thing. I just have to convince myself of that now.

Anyway, brother's going into the army tomorrow! I think I'll miss him and his random popping into my room every night. ):

I was so mad this morning when I couldn't get back to sleep! After all the late nights and almost non-existent sleep I've been getting, I have decided that I really wanted to sleep in this morning. The earliest I would wake up is 8am, which is still pretty early. So after only receiving a measly 3 hours of sleep the night before, I went to bed at a little past 12 and by 7am this morning, I was wide awake! I was so mad at myself when I found out that it was only 7am. So I tried to get back to sleep, but to no avail as I was wide awake. Even my body's going against me.