bruises from dance! is it worth it?

Bleah. I've got really nasty bruises on my knees. Not just bruises, but really nasty ones. I can't bend my knees, I can't walk without any pain. These are not normal abrasion bruises, I'm seriously suspecting some internal problems. And for me to admit that something is wrong means something is really wrong. Normally I just suck it up and go on, for me to say it's pain means it really hurts. I mean the last time I could barely walk and I was still dancing. I really waited till I was nearly crippled before I went for physio and all those stupid x-rays (ha! remember the person at alexander hospital's A&E offering me a wheelchair cos I couldn't walk properly. I was so embarrassed I mumbled, no i'm okay and hobbled away!). Grrr! I shall see how the healing process for these bruises go.

All these bruises just from today's practice! I bet you can't imagine how much it hurts.



Honestly, these bruises got me thinking if I should dance any longer. I mean my body is already ruined, and I'm ruining it even more now. All the visits to the doctor for x-rays of back, shins, ankle, for sprained back and ankles, ultrasound for achilles tendonitis, for pain killers for various injuries, physio for tendonitis and the list goes on. Quite frankly, I'm sick of having such a injury-filled body. How many times have I heard it from doctors/physioterapists that I've got to stop dancing? Numerous. And how many times have I not listened to them? All the time. But to be fair to myself, I did go less intensive than before. And I made the most difficult decision to stop ballet (at least for the time being). However, I'm beginning to think that it IS time to stop. Maybe it's not worth it afterall. This is the body I'm gonna live with for the rest of my life. I really don't want any more problems than I already do. I've got many people coming up to me saying that they can't imagine me never ever dancing. I can't imagine myself not dancing either. But if it's the only way to save my body, it is worth it, don't you think?